Black Leaders' Awareness Day: We are all leaders

Note: This article was initially published on the 'Safe Spaces for Black Women' website

This month I am writing to honour the first ever Black Leaders’ Awareness Day, which took

place on Sunday 18th July. The day is founded by Veronica Martin, a Black female COO,

trustee, board member and business founder who is passionate about supporting the next

generation of leaders.

The only certainty is that we have a finite amount of time in life, something I was reminded of

recently at a funeral for a family member from the Windrush generation - RIP Lucky Harry.

During the service, Bishop Francis Vaughan shared; “It’s what you leave behind that’s

important” and as I think about how privileged I am to be living in a time with so many

generations still in my life, the importance of Black Leaders’ Awareness Day has become

clear.

Just like Black Leaders before me, I sit at an important intersection as a Black role model. I

am in a position to share my knowledge and wisdom from current and past Black leaders

and translate their teachings in a way the next generation can relate to. Black Leaders’

Awareness Day is an opportunity for people from all cultures to experience, share and

recognise the wisdom of past, current and next-generation leaders.

As a Black, queer woman from outside of London, who often doesn’t see herself reflected in

the media, the leaders who inspire me are those who challenge the limits I put on myself and

make things I thought were impossible, seem possible. They remind me I do not need to

prove myself to anyone or conform to what others expect of me.

In the past 6 years, I’ve become a published and award-winning poet, the first in my family to

graduate and a 2 x British Championship silver medallist in Triple Jump. I started managing

a Marketing and Events department with 30 staff members at 23 and climbed onto the

property ladder at 24. I’m a survivor who manages depression, anxiety and IBS and have

spent the past 6 years really digging deep to understand how to continue being successful

while managing my physical and mental health. And you know what? I really believe I’m

getting there.

Many Black leaders have inspired me on this journey. My Dad’s pure love for cars and

motorsports taught me I should love whatever I chose to do and never let anyone Tek mi fi

ideat. My Mum's contribution to our extended family and community showed me how to be

organised, hold space for others and celebrate collective wins. Both of them showed me the

beauty and necessity of community, plus how to keep pushing and persevering through

tough times.

Numerous Black male and female mentors have pushed me to recognise my unique

strengths. Including Nathan Ghann, a coach, consultant, trustee and business director who

supports students from different ethnic backgrounds to realise their potential and founded

my company’s Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic staff network before Equality became a

buzzword in the corporate world. A colleague, Ann Campbell, showed me it is possible to

transition out of Marketing and help young people; She now provides pastoral support and is

a coach, mentor and principal lecturer. US Olympic gold medallist, long jumper and sprinter

Tianna Bartoletta (now Tianna Madison) and Michelle Griffith-Robinson, a Black female Olympian and former Commonwealth medallist in the Triple Jump, showed me you can reach your dreams by

working exceptionally hard, whilst being honest, unapologetic and rocking natural hair.

Beyond this, Issa Rae's American TV Series Insecure showed me that feeling like a

confused awkward Black girl in your late teens and 20’s is normal and doesn’t mean

anything is wrong with you. Rae, along with singer-songwriter H.E.R. taught me art and

media can and should be used as a political platform now and that every story is valuable.

Audre Lorde, a self-defined “Black, lesbian, mother, warrior, poet”, is a relatively new, but very

influential addition to this list as through her I am learning to own and acknowledge every part of

myself as a political and radical act of self-love.

I am also a different person now compared to when I first joined Safe Spaces 4 Black

Women. The sessions and conversations prompted by every Black woman here has

encouraged me to reflect on my life in so many ways, understanding that all my thoughts

and feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. I have a greater understanding of myself, my

boundaries and appreciate being witness to the endless variety of Black womanhood,

despite us also often having similar life experiences. Every woman who is part of this space

inspires me every day to be kinder and more compassionate towards myself.

My Black female therapist asked if I have imposter syndrome at work and I said no, because

I know I am brilliant at what I do (and was recently highly commended for “Professional Staff

Member of the Year” ayy). But at the same time, when asked to write as a Black female

leader, I found myself thinking there must be someone more qualified, with more life

experience and a 10-year plan who should do this instead. More often than I’d like to admit, I

feel I’m not ‘enough’. Partly because I am told this as a young Black woman living in the UK,

including via beige plasters, magazine samples that never suit me, ‘nudes’ that aren’t my

nude and the constant microaggressions including the “Where are you really from?”

question.

But I want this to stop with me. I don’t want future generations to internalise others’

discomfort and feel this contradiction about their own value within themselves.

The lessons I’ve learned on my journey are: You are enough. And in those moments

where you believe this, you will make the most wonderful decisions. Those were the

moments where I changed my athletics coach, left my job as a Marketing manager to focus more on Athletics, accepted 2 new job offers in areas I was more interested in and won my first ever

National athletics medals.

Boundaries are not a luxury, but a necessity. The biggest thing I lose from people-pleasing and failing to reinforce boundaries is my time. Specifically, I lose time to myself to sit with my feelings and reset and instead end up in survival mode and burning out. This is where the great Audre Lorde comes in; 'Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.' Oof... Read that again. And for the times when you are able to stand firm and unapologetic about your boundaries and in anger at the audacity of some people to cross them, I gift you this poem:

Boundaries

After so long

Searching for my voice

I will not

Dumb myself down for you

I will not

Be mute

If we have to part ways

Because you cannot accept my strength

Let us part.

If you have to leave

Because you cannot mould my mind

Then leave.

If you cannot respect me

You will never deserve me.

It’s essential to want what you want and be relentless in pursuit of that. Disclaimer: As

long as it’s genuinely not hurting anyone, but so often as Black women we are taught that we

are ‘too much’ when actually the world just hasn’t caught up to us yet. Being driven by

passion has led to my greatest wins both in my career and in Athletics. I’ve learned that I

always fall on my feet when I follow my passion and instinct, even if it doesn’t seem to make

complete sense at the time. While working in Marketing, I pushed my colleagues to prioritise,

advocate for and actively campaign for initiatives to support students from Black, Asian and

Minority Ethnic backgrounds. I also started championing and advocating for my colleagues’

Mental Health. Within 2 months of deciding to leave that role, I was offered and accepted my

two current jobs; One in Workplace Wellbeing and the other in Equality, supporting students’

success and challenging stereotypes.

And it is in this space of vulnerability that I also write; Having given up a lot for Athletics, the

one big thing I am relentlessly passionate about but no longer being able to do after

rupturing my Achilles and sustaining a talus bone bruise during the European trials in

February. The operation to repair my Achilles was in March, 4 days before my 28th birthday

and I’ve been on crutches since. Do I have any regrets? Not one. It’s been difficult, but I

wouldn’t have done anything differently.

If I go

Don't let it be said

"They had so much potential"

Let it be known

I wrung every last breath

Out of life

And it was

Phenomenal

Don’t be afraid of your feelings and emotions just because others are afraid of theirs.

You need to process, you are allowed to process. In Audre Lorde’s The Uses of the Erotic,

she writes “women so empowered are dangerous” and “the erotic is so feared... For once

we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves...

that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of”. I’ve

often felt unable to fully feel and express my emotions as they were 'too much', but I now realise it’s better to acknowledge them instead of disassociating and then dealing with a

longer struggle to return to myself.

As an empath, I’m also learning that what belongs to others, is just simply not my business

or my responsibility:

Hate

I know it's hard

But don't allow hate

To fill your heart

It's not yours

It's theirs

And it will destroy

You two.

Your health is the most important thing. Give yourself the permission you need to rest

and thrive. In 2017, through a Leadership course at work, I was gifted with the opportunity

to be coached by the aforementioned Nathan Ghann and sometimes I still touch base with

him. Last year he told me “You have the ability to make sense of chaos and keep things

moving, but at a cost.” All of the health concerns I mentioned earlier; Depression, anxiety,

IBS? They can be triggered by stress when I don’t allow myself to rest or take time out.

Short-term stress is manageable, but the long-term consequences of constant pressure and

pushing down my feelings never outweigh the initial discomfort I would have felt if I had just

said “no”.

Know your worth and always negotiate your salary. There’s a gender and ethnic minority

pay gap and we need to start demanding what we are worth. The reasons for the gap are

more complicated than this (hey racism), but the negotiation is the bit we can control. My

bank balance (and my friends’ too, because I lecture them on this whenever they get offered

new jobs) will thank us for this. In a conversation I had last year with Olympian Michelle

Griffith-Robinson, she told me to “Control the controllables” and “Slay in your lane”. When

I’m feeling overwhelmed, I return to these mantras as a reminder that I have more autonomy

and agency than I sometimes give myself credit for - We all do.

Give yourself permission to celebrate your wins. It's very easy to overlook all of the work

you’ve done, the things you’ve overcome and the unpaid labour you’ve put in, and then call it

luck. But, I don’t believe in luck. I believe in putting yourself in a position to recognise and

take advantage of the good things that come your way.

And finally, for all those times where you just simply feel like you’re fxcking everything up

and can’t even look after yourself, let alone anyone else:

Forgive yourself

For there are no failures

Only opportunities

To learn

The point of Black Leaders’ Awareness Day is that leaders exist now. We are all leaders.

Over the past year I have been led and held by all of you in more ways than you can know;

A year ago I didn’t have this level of self-awareness and wasn’t this honest with myself, let

alone other people. For that I’d like to thank you and ask you to continue to be open and

celebrate yourselves as Black leaders, because I truly believe that Safe Spaces 4 Black

Women is empowering us to lead and teach future generations to realise their full potential,

and thrive.